my truth

Two years ago when we got back from my 30th birthday in Vegas, we were so happy and in love and Cory whispered sweetly into my ear, "I'm going to ask you to marry me soon." It was truly a great time. Then a month later we found out I was pregnant. Could life get any better?? We were so happy we couldn't see straight... then things started to fall apart. The happiness gave way to hormones, emotions, anxiety about being parents, fighting more frequently, not feeling appreciated, and I could go on. It was a hard 9 months. Then we had our beautiful baby girl and the moment she came out we were thrusted back into that happy space again. We shared moments and admired our beautiful baby girl and were so happy and in love. Then parenthood came. Parenthood can ruin a relationship. More hormones, more anxiety, fighting even more frequently, really not feeling appreciated, and, again, I could go on. Then my mom died. If you thought things were sounding screwed up before, oh boy, have you not seen anything yet. I can't even type all the things that have been swirling around since that time.

I don't know if we can recover from this. We both desperately want a whole family for our daughter but not sure if we can attain that. My relationship is hanging on by a very thin fraying thread. That is my truth. I just needed to say it.

It's ok to not be happy, it's ok that we aren't perfect. We have always embraced the fucked-up-ness of life, but what now?